It was time for my kids to head towards bed. Pajamas were on, night-time snack had been eaten, and the Bible story had been read.
While my husband went ahead with our daughter, I directed our 1.5 year old son towards the stairs.
As we reached the foot of the staircase, he suddenly turned to me.
“No ‘and. No ‘and. No ‘and.”
He shook his hand at me to emphasize his point.
“Okay,” I took a step back. “You don’t have to hold my hand. That’s fine.”
He reached for the handrail, grasping the part that secures the railing to the wall. The railing itself was too high for him to use comfortably.
Using this support, he stepped onto the bottom step.
That was as far as he could go while holding that support.
He moved his hand, bracing it against the wall, and began taking the next step.
He paused. His other hand reached towards me. “Mama ‘and.”
“Okay.”
Grinning, I took his hand in mine and helped him climb the rest of the staircase. So much for “no hand.”
This wasn’t the first time he had done this. In fact, in the days leading up to my writing this account, he adamantly declared “no hand” in his one-year-old accent nearly every time we approached a flight of stairs together. Then, after taking the first step, he would reach out his little hand for me to hold as I helped him navigate the stairs.
You see, he has reached the age of wanting to be independent while not being very capable yet. He is delighted anytime I can teach him to do something on his own, such as doing the coat flip trick to put on his coat.
His “no hand, no hand,” got me thinking.
Have I ever said “No hand,” to God?
Undoubtedly I have many times.
Coming from my 1.5 year old, it is a sweet, though sometimes difficult, gesture of growing up. He should be gaining independence. It is good and right for him to want to gain more independence.
For me, in my walk with God, seeking independence by rejecting God’s help is a stubborn prideful thing. It is not good.
God wants me to depend on Him. The more I grow and mature in my relationship with Him, the more I will depend on Him.
Yet He gives me the choice.
We are told:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not rely on your own understanding;
in all your ways know Him,
and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 CSB
I am to lean into God and let Him help me. I am not to live this life in my own understanding, or my own strength.
Today, may I reach out my hand towards my Heavenly Father and say, “Abba’s hand” as I lean into the help He offers.


